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I watched a video of myself at 15, skating at Camp Woodward.
I remember how hard that time was on my body. The first day I cramped up so bad I almost passed out. I was in pain. I was uncomfortable.
But watching it back… you wouldn’t be able to tell.
In the video, I’m just skating. Trying things. Moving freely.
I wasn’t thinking about who was watching.
I was just there.
Trying to Get It Right
Somewhere along the way, that changed.
Not all at once. Just slowly.
Creating started to feel heavier.
More thought.
More pressure.
More awareness.
Letting Go of the Script
The other morning, I went to film a video.
On the drive, I had affirmations playing—but I wasn’t focused on the words. I was focused on the feeling.
I could already see the video finished in my head.
By the time I got to the skatepark, everything felt aligned.
No one was there.
The light was right.
I had a script. I practiced it.
But when it came time to film…
I let it go.
Not completely—but enough.
I stopped trying to sound perfect.
And I just spoke.
When I finished, I didn’t celebrate.
I just sat with it.
Because I knew… that felt like me.
A Day That Felt Like Before
Later that day, I went back out.
I wanted to make photographs.
I went downtown—not even knowing if anyone would be there.
And I met Alex.
A stranger at first.
But that’s how skateboarding works.
We skated.
We talked.
We shared ideas.
I gave him a couple tips, and he landed two new tricks.
Just like that.
No Algorithm, Just Presence
It wasn’t anything big.
But it was one of the best days I’ve had in a while.
Not because something major happened—
But because everything felt right.
No algorithm.
No pressure.
No constant checking.
Just being there.
Doing the work.
Living through it.
What I Missed Back Then
And it made me realize something.
I’ve been here before.
Back then, I was consistent.
I was progressing.
Probably at my peak in some ways…
And I didn’t even realize it.
Because I was too focused on what was next.
Trying to get sponsored.
Trying to become something more.
Gratitude Over Growth
I wasn’t appreciating what I already had.
That’s the shift I’m sitting with now.
Gratitude for the gift.
To create.
To move.
To connect.
To experience this at all.
Living Through the Process
This isn’t motivation.
I still have off days.
I still question things.
But this is what I come back to—
The in-between moments.
Before creating.
After creating.
The quiet understanding that this path—
the way it looks, the way it feels—
is uniquely mine.
I’m not trying to force it anymore.
I’m just living through it.
And documenting it as I go.Less pressure.
More presence.
